To my wife with Crohn's disease
To my wife with Crohn’s disease,
I love you. I love you so much, but it’s hard. It’s hard to live every day knowing that you’ll be in pain. It’s hard to enjoy the time we have together knowing that it isn’t just the two of us in this marriage.
When we were married, you and I stood in front of both of our families after going through one of the hardest periods in my life. After being told that I might lose one of my limbs to infection because of a stupid mistake made at a bachelor party. After being released from the hospital at 10:37 AM and getting married at 3:00 PM, it wasn’t just you and I up there. Crohn’s disease would become as much a part of the marriage as you or I are.
I love you. I love everything about who you are- but I hate your disease. I hate Crohn’s so much that it sometimes makes me bitter and full of loathing. It takes away your smile and livelihood. It catches laughter in your throat, turning it to acid. I try my hardest to make you smile, to bring out the moments where I can still see the woman standing across from me at our wedding. But it’s hard. It’s hard to always be the voice of optimism. It’s hard to convince you that it all isn’t worthless and that yes, a different doctor might be able to help in a different way. It’s hard to convince you to keep going.
You are the most amazing person that I have ever met and I’ve seen you do amazing things. You are obsessed with saving the world one person, dog, or plant at a time. I believe that there are only a few people that one can meet in a lifetime who are truly and wholly good, and I know that you are one of them- which is why it’s so hard to see you suffer. All of the energy that you have goes outwards to others while I do my best to pick up the pieces of you that are breaking. I love you, and through all your days trying to help anyone else in need, I will be there to support you in the only ways that I can.
I love you. I love you and I always will. Through every doctor’s visit or hospital stay. Through any amount of pain, stress, exhaustion, or debt, I will love you. I know that your biggest fear is that one day, I will leave because it’s too much for me. What you don’t understand is that it never could be. I love you and that is unconditional. It will never break us apart. Crohn’s will never give us anything that we can’t handle together. I love you and I always will.
Samson Flancbaum is a loving and supportive husband to his wife, Casey, who was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease right before their wedding. Samson holds degrees from the Crane School of Music and University of North Texas in music performance and music theory. He is an instrument repair technician focusing on woodwinds, and is an active euphonium and trombone player and teacher in the DFW area. Samson lives at home with his wife Casey, fur children Jackson, Roxy, and Roscoe, bearded dragon Bilbo Draggins, and birds Ralph and Finchton Churchill.